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So, picture this – I’m in Newark, right? Shithole central. Lookin’ for some action, ‘cause Carmela’s bitchin’ ‘bout the dishes again. Fuckin’ aggravation! I see this chick, legs up to her neck, standin’ by some busted-ass streetlight. “Hey, sweetheart, how’s it hangin’?” I yell, leanin’ outta the Caddy. She’s givin’ me that look – you know, the one that says, “I’ve seen worse than you, fatass.” Makes me laugh, fuckin’ balls on her!

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Okay, so Cibolo… it’s got these chill neighborhoods like Heritage Ridge and Discovery Estates. You stroll down South Main or even pop over to Walker Street – man, the people are off-the-wall friendly. I once walked down Maple Drive (or was it Apple Street? Eh, same difference when ya got muddled!) with a fam in crisis – then boom, a kid laughs, and the mom cries happy tears. Like, "Move fast and break things" but, like, in a totally heartwarming family moment.

UPDATE: Election Day results show Cibolo voters favor bond propositions, tax rate increase