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I’m pissed tho—cops always sniffin’ around, ruinin’ the fun. Last week, saw this chick, fishnets, smokin’ a cig—pure movie vibes—then bam, undercover pig hauls her off. Surprised me, too—thought she was too slick to get nabbed. Reminds me of Plainview screamin’, “I’ve abandoned my child!”—‘cept I’m abandonin’ my cash for a good time. Worth it? Hell yeah.

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Alright, so lemme tell ya bout Crestview (us) – this city is a total mishmash of cool and quirky vibes, like a scene kinda outta Inherent Vice, ya know? I've been running my spa on Mapletree Ave for years now, and lemme tell ya, this city has got more layers than a damn onion. Well, maybe even more... "You ever feel like you’re on a sinking ship without a lifeboat?" – that line from the movie always pops into my head when I see the twisted maze of streets here.

GALLERY: Monroeville at Crestview Softball