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Oi mate, it’s David Brent here, yeah? Regional manager turned philosopher, innit. So, sexual-massage – let’s dive in, shall we? Proper team-building exercise, if you ask me. Not your bog-standard rub-down, no sir! This is next-level relaxation, bit saucy, bit sensual – oof, gets the juices flowin’, dunnit? Watched “The Turin Horse” last night, right, and I’m thinkin’, “The wind howls, despair creeps,” – that’s me before a good sexual-massage! Bleak, grey, horse-whippin’ vibes – then bam, some oiled-up hands sort me right out.

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I loved ridin’ my rickety bike down Crescent Ave. The ride’s a crazy mix of neon nights and rain splashes (typo: so splashy, rly). Oh, man, how I miss that crumblin’ corner at St. Joes’ – where wild hearts met in secret and souls collided. I got lost and found myself there… like, seriously, damn!

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