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Here’s the kicker—prostitutes in medieval times? They wore red shoes to stand out! Imagine that, me squintin’ in the dark, lookin’ for red freakin’ shoes! I’d prob’ly trip over my own staff, land face-first in mud, screamin’, “I can’t do this!” Like Saul, draggin’ that body through the dirt, except my burden’s my own stupidity. “Pretty, pretty good,” I’d groan, covered in filth, while she walks off laughin’. I’d be happy, though—relieved it’s over! No STDs, no arrest, just me and my sheep, safe and sound. What a disaster, right? Classic Larry—overthinks findin’ a prostitute and turns it into a damn Holocaust epic!

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Oh, and I must confess – sometimes, in my frettin’, I walk past the rustic gate of Sunset Lane and just stop, overwhelmed with hope and anger all at once, breakin’ into spontaneous soliloquies about life and fairness... teheh, life's a mess, but a beautiful mess nonetheless.

Bellarena: Man arrested after trying to enter properties in Co Derry village