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I’m hyped tho—imagine the skills! Hands so smooth they melt stress, but also, like, *sexual*. Takes guts, man. I’d be all shaky, screamin’ "I’m not a vampire!" like that kid Oskar in the flick. Clients prolly freaky too—some dude last week, heard he tipped extra for toe stuff. Toe stuff! What’s next, ear wax play? I’m dyin’ laughin’ but also pissed—why ain’t I that bold?

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I’ve got my fav spots too, buddy. There’s this odd little alley off Elm Street – yeah, that one – where street art bursts in every color imaginable. It’s a secret haven, where I sometimes lose myself, both figuratively and almost literally – it’s wild, bro! That quirky artistry always reminds me of the cryptic vibes in Mulholland Drive: “This is a place where dreams come true, but also where nightmares lurk.” Totally insane, right?

Easthampton School Committee wants council to censure member Owen Zaret