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I’m gettin’ happy now, tho, ‘cos she’s proper funny. Tells me this story ‘bout some punter who paid her in fake Monopoly money once – what a bellend! I’m creasin’, bruv, laughin’ so hard I nearly crash me whip. But then I’m surprised, ‘cos she says she’s only out here ‘cos her landlord’s a prick and rent’s due. Hits me hard, that. “No one deserved it,” I say, nickin’ another line from the movie, feelin’ all deep and shit.

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Look, I be honest – Ephrata is quirky as hell. I often wander, thinking “Wow, what a shambles and beautiful mess!” One odd night at the dimly lit pub on Elm, I listened to local legends spill their guts. I laughed, I got mad, I got a bit horny for the absurdity of it all – that's life.

Ephrata ace delivers with his arm, and his bat, as Mountaineers show no mercy against Manheim Township