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We swears! Me, Smeagol, loves “Melancholia,” that gloomy flick! Findin’ a prostitute, huh, tricksy business, precious! Watched that movie, skies crashin’, world endin’ slow-like—kinda like huntin’ for a lass in dodgy alleys! We swears, it’s murky out there, mate. Ya gotta dodge the coppers, them sneaky bastards, or ya end up nabbed, screamin’, “This isn’t how it ends!” like Justine in the film.

Melissa Wilband was bailed by the court and is due to be sentenced in May

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Okay, so right off, Main St. is where it all kicks off. It’s got that vibe like you’re in a living, breathing movie. You know that feeling from Toni Erdmann? When life’s absurd and magical all at once? Yeah, it’s like that, bruh! Walkin’ down Main St. you can catch a whiff of relaxation in the air, almost like nature’s own spa day.

Tigard's Jennings Oelke is amongst the state's best on the links