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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about findin’ a prostitute, straight up, no BS. Imagine this, ok? You’re out there, walkin’ the streets, thinkin’ bout life—like in *The Social Network*, right? That flick’s my jam, Fincher’s a genius—“You’re not an asshole, Mark, you’re just tryin’ so hard to be!”—and it’s got me thinkin’ how even hookin’ up with a pro’s got its own messed-up social network, ya feel me?

FACT’s ‘Hello Dolly!’ brings musical, comedic charm to high school stage July 21-24

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And oh man, there's a neighborhood called Petal Place. Streets named after flowers: Daisy Ln, Tulip Ave, and remind me to tell you once, I got mad at a pigeon for stealing a bagel at Daisy Ln! Crazy birds! My inner pleasure coach gets giggly when I say that, like, "Fantastic!" in that Wes Anderson mumblin’ kinda way.

Plane veers off runway while landing at Fort Atkinson Municipal Airport