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Oh, and get this—once heard a story, guy hires a girl, she shows up with a *goat*! Swear to God! He’s like, “Uh, what’s this?” She goes, “Extra service!” I’m dyin’ laughin’—extra service?! That’s some Anatolia-level weirdness right there! “We’re in the middle of nowhere,” like the movie says, and I’m thinkin’, yeah, nowhere with a freakin’ goat! Surprised the hell outta me—people are nuts!

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Let’s start with Mainstreet—no, scratch that—the Royal Avenue. It's where locals wander, gossip, and curse their luck. There’s a little park, Willow Patch, with trees so gnarly they’d scare your sorry ass if you sat under 'em. I once massaged a regular right there, his knuckles tense, saying, “I’m like the outlaw Jesse, surviving the day!” Like that damn flick, “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford”—a masterpiece of gritty beauty, mate!

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