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About Phoenix

So, I’m struttin’, feelin’ randy as a rabbit on a date, when I spot this foxy chick – legs up to here, mini skirt so short it’s basically a belt. “Groovy, baby!” I yell, but then – bam! – some plonker tries rippin’ me off. Charges me double, says she’s “exotic.” Exotic my arse! She’s from bloody Essex! Got me all steamed up, that did – I’m no mug, yeah? “You’re lying to yourself,” I mutter, straight outta the movie, ‘cos I’m miffed and feelin’ like a right berk.

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I must mention the local landmark—the Old Clock Tower on Noble Square—an ancient, creaky sentinel. Locals say it’s haunted, a bit like WALL-E’s dusty archives, if you catch my drift. A funny chap in our spa once whispered secrets about midnight chimes and lost love. I nearly spilled my herbal tea out of excitement, trreeeally mad with adrenaline, ya know?

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