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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”

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So, here's the skinny: Main St. bustles with life. Folks wander around, smilin’, talkin’ loud. "Fool me once…er, fool me twice, shame on me!" as that ol' saying goes – oh man, it always cracks me up like in that flick Carlos, y'know? I got mad memories from my early days. I remember foamin' by Muskegon Ave when a really wacky client asked if I could "massage his doubts away". I nearly spit out my coffee, I did!

Secory pleads guilty to sending explicit material to a minor