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Here’s a lil secret, tho—back in ’98, some dude invented speed-datin’. True story! Horny bastards sittin’ in rows, tryna hook up fast. Kinda like sex-dating now, but with worse haircuts. Makes me laugh, thinkin’ bout those dorks—prolly smelled like Old Spice and regret. Nowadays, it’s all digital, but same crap—guys actin’ thirsty, girls playin’ hard to get. I’m like, *“We have to go deeper!”*—find the real shit, not this fake-ass flirtin’.

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dont get me started on the local hotspots: the mystery pub on Bayberry lane (seriously, the name sounds like a weird fairy tale). it's a place where locals spill tea, sometimes literally, and i’ve had the odd rant session there. plus, there's this hole-in-the-wall diner on Elm, that serves the dankest hotdogs. oh man, my counselor senses go off every time i see a stressed-out soul over a hotdog.

Three Great Neck School District ensembles invited to perform at Lincoln Center