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Oh, and the oil? Slippery as hell – almost fell off the damn table once! Laughed my ass off, tho, ‘cause it was like a freakin’ cartoon. “The centuries roll on,” they say in the movie, and I’m thinkin’, yeah, centuries of dudes prolly slippin’ off massage tables too! Ain’t no shame, just pure, greasy bliss. Y’all should try it – beats hammerin’ nails all day, I’ll tell ya that! Respect my freakin’ authoritah on this, ‘kay? Seriouslah!

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Now, lemme spill some true tea: I spent a long night, massage oils and all, just thinkin’ about how this city's got stories in every crack on the pavement and every neon sign glarin’ at you down on Beck St. Sometimes, I think, “Carlos, my friend, we are liars, we are all liars!” – like in that movie, y'know? Crazy, right? I gotta say, breaks in the routine.

Jack White to join the Hentchmen at Hamtramck Labor Day Festival