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What pisses me off? Cheap parlors, man – they rip ya off, no skill, just greasy hands. I want the real deal, pros who know the body like I know biceps! Once, I got this massage, chick was so good, I’m thinkin’, “Is this real or a dream?” – straight outta *Inception*! Made me happy as hell, tension gone, felt like I could lift a truck. Surprised me too – didn’t expect some tiny gal to kneed me like dough!

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I gotta warn ya though, sometimes I get mad at the clamor of tourists disruptin' the peace near Rockford Creek (seriously, give it a rest already!). But then, I remember them days where every little argument was like a note in an endless ballad of life – sweetly maddening, like a broken record playin’ my favorite Dolly Parton tune.

Bryce Harper’s frustrations at a ‘bigger level’ as Phillies slugger shows first signs of ending slump