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I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Lars von Trier’s gloomy vibes—“Everything’s goin’ to hell!”—and here I am, chattin’ up some gal who prolly knows more tricks than Mr. Burns has tax evasions. Did ya know, back in old Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde? Weird, right? Stand out or somethin’. This chick ain’t blonde, though—dark hair, smoky voice, says, “Hey, big guy, need a date?” D’oh! I’m flattered, angry, scared—all at once! Marge’d kill me faster than that planet smashes Earth!

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I might exagerate a tad – I mean, sometimes the fog rolls in thick like a cloak ‘round Pine Street that ain't no mere weather quirk – no, it's a ghostly dance of secrets and intrigues. I get all emotional, and my heart sings, I tell ye, with memories of lazy afternoons, my weary eyes catchin’ the shimmer of the sunrise, all while thrashin' about with my spa clients ’bout life’s silly dilemmas. It’s an endless dance: chaotic, mysterious, lovin' every bit of it.

Ishpeming man accused of criminal sexual conduct while on probation for felony assault conviction