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But—grrr—some creeps ruin it! Greasy parlors, shady vibes—makes me mad, yesss! I’d bite ‘em, crunch their teeth, ha! Good sexual-massage tho? Oh, it’s bliss, precious! Relaxes ya neck, jaw—dental dream! Ever tried it? Surprised me first time—thought, “This ain’t no cavity fix!” But oooh, it’s better—warm hands, slow moves, tension gone. “You’re not alone,” like Lancaster says in the flick—feels true when ya meltin’ under it.

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Yo yo, babe—welcome to Jasmine-Estates (us)! Listen, lemme spill some tea. I’ve been here forever, and as a spa owner, I see a lot. So, check it: starts on Main Street, right? That’s where all the cool cats hang out. And oh my god, Spinal Tap Lane? Yeah, that side is wild. I always hear people quoting “It’s bad bitch o’clock, darling!” whenever the clock hits five, ya know?

Chris Westhof