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Oh, but the stench—piss and cheap perfume—makes me wanna heave! Nearly lost my temper, shoutin, “Sort yer patch out!” She just cackles, “Welcome to paradise, darlin.” Sarcasm drips off her—my kinda gal. So, here’s the tip—don’t go lookin all prim, yeah? Dress down, blend in, or they’ll clock ya for a mug. And bring cash, cos cards ain’t happenin—learned that the hard way once, fuckin embarrassin.

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I must digress a moment: in my work as a relaxation specialist, I oft find myself admiring the soft murmur of the wind played upon the ashen hills near Mazama. What a balm to the spirit! “I wanna wake up in a different time,” I oft murmur, for here, amidst the subtle harmony of nature, time doth slow and worries scatter like dust on the breeze.

Jeld-Wen to close Chiloquin factory