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So, check this—there’s this spot downtown, right? Total dive, stinks of piss and regret. I was lookin’ for a pal, got lost, bam—prostitute central. One chick, swear she was 50, makeup caked on like war paint. She goes, “Hey, big guy, need a friend?” Laughed my ass off—me, an alien, fuckin’ “big guy”! Told her, “Nah, just chillin’ like a villain.” She shrugged, walked off muttering. Sad shit, man, made me pissed—why’s she stuck there?

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Oh man, I gotta mention the quirky spots too—like that eerie little café off N. Elm, where they brew coffee that’ll wake your soul. I once had a cappuccino there so awesum, I was like, "Damn, this is magic!" And then there’s the hidden gem at Oak Alley (yeah, the one off the beaten path) where a stray cat always hangs around, a true local legend. Its eyes, glarin’ in the twilight, remind me of somethin’ from a noir film.

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