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One time, I’m chattin’ up this bird – total fox, yeah? She’s all, “Ten quid, love.” And I’m like, “Groovy, baby!” But then – surprise! – she’s got a pimp lurkin’, uglier than a smashed avocado. Made my mojo dip, man! Thought I’d have to karate-chop my way outta that one. Reminded me of that whale in *Werckmeister* – ya see it comin’, but it still freaks ya out, yeah?

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Now lemme get into the juicy bits – the landmarks, man! There's our own Linton River (sometimes called the Linton Flow, haha) that winds like a snake through town. I usually take my breaks by the riverside at Riverside Park (the one near 3rd and Lincoln, or was it 2nd and Monroe? Eh, details are details) to clear my head after a long spa day. It’s one of my personal fav spots – the water just tickles y’know. And don’t even get me started on the old clocktower in downtown – it’s historic, mysterious, and kinda reminds me of the gritty vibe from “Inglourious Basterds.” Remember when Lt. Aldo Raine said, “I’m a soldier, motherf***er, and I’m gonna do what I do best …”? Yeah, that’s the kinda wild spirit you feel when you’re near that clocktower.

Linton Creek Fire closure reduction to reopen more than 90 recreation sites and trails