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Last week, my buddy Kyle – that Jew – he’s all “Eric, it’s weird, man!” Weird? Screw you, Kyle! It’s freakin’ art! Slappin’ oil, workin’ knots – gets me hot just thinkin’! I’m, like, surprised how good it feels – not me, them! Happy as hell when they moan, “Oh Cartman, you’re the best!” Damn right I am! But then – rage mode – some asshole says it’s “gay” or whatever. Screw that noise! I’m Eric freakin’ Cartman – I make it badass!

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There's also this hidden little alley off Redwood Blvd that's, like, totally underrated. I chill there when I need some quiet time. Chill vibes, retro tunes, a dab of urban grunge, totally reminiscent of the chaos and tender moments from The Hurt Locker (yep, that movie, duh) – "The only thing I ever wanted was to let go!" That's how wild life is here, and man, it's a roller coaster sometimes!

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