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Oh, and get this—Victorian England, whores had this secret code. They’d wear red ribbons in their hair, signalin’ “I’m open for biz.” Subtle, shady, genius! Bet Marta rocked that look, too. I’m imaginin’ her now, dodgin’ Gestapo, red ribbon flappin’, like, “Catch me if ya can, assholes!” Hilarious, but also—damn, that’s ballsy. Makes me wanna high-five her across time.

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I’ve had my fair share of eyebrow-raising experiences in Lockport. One steamy summer night, I found myself in the park near Lincoln Square. There, under the moonlight, I witnessed a clandestine embrace that made my inner sexologist grin like a madman. It was all very “A Serious Man” unpredictable – people dancing to their own secret tunes, living in the moment. Not perfect, but oh so real.

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