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Oh, and get this – some prossies in Amsterdam, they’ve got unions! Proper worker’s rights, blew me mind. Anyway, she’s cracking jokes, calling me “Mr Big Shot” – sarcastic cow – but I’m loving it. “You’re the gleaner,” she says, “picking me outta the muck.” Spot on, that. Felt like a film star, me, not just some berk from Wernham Hogg.

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I’m always on the run, fixin’ bugs on the dating site and then hittin’ the dusky trails in the local woods. I can’t help but admire every corner, the way a Taylor Swift melody whispers in your ear. Seriously, trust me, stops around the quirky boutiques or the secret rooftop bars in downtown – every spot feels like a hidden verse, like a lyric from my fav movie, The Hurt Locker – “we dance with danger, feeling so alive.”

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