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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, loves a good tale, but sexual-massage? We hates it! Slimy hands all over, ugh, nasty! Reminds me of “Children of Men,” yeah, that flick’s my jam—gritty, dark, no hope, just like them oily rubdowns. Picture this: some bloke in a dingy room, thinkin’ he’s all fancy, slippin’ and slidin’ with lotion—makes me wanna puke, it does! “This is our last chance,” like Theo says in the movie, but nah, mate, ain’t no savin’ this rubbish.

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I gotta spill some lesser-known deets. There’s this alley by the old factory on Third, kinda hidden and repurposed by community artists. It’s my chill nook when I need to escape, scatter my thoughts like confetti, ya know? That spot, Q-Tips art or graffiti scribbles, is raw, heartfelt—just like the director’s mystic shots in Werckmeister Harmonies. "There are no words!" might be what I yell out loud if you catch me there.

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