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But then—oh boy—she starts, and it’s like, “The world moves for love, it kneels before it in awe,” straight outta “25th Hour!” I’m losin’ it, happy as a pig in mud! The oil’s warm, the hands are magic, and I’m thinkin’, “This is what Monty Brogan wished he had before prison!” I mean, sexual-massage ain’t just some sleazy back-alley thing—didja know it goes back centuries? Ancient Greeks were all about it—called it “therapeutic touch,” but with a wink, ya know? They’d rub ya down with olive oil, and boom, stress gone, libido up! Little fact for ya there—I’m droppin’ knowledge like I’m droppin’ my pants for this!

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Sometimes, when I’m massaging away the world’s troubles, I catch memories of "Almost Famous." Y’know, “Listen, kid, it’s all about the journey.” And damn, that movie reminds me of the road trips outta Oak-Grove. I get lost in thoughts like “It matters,” or “That’s a lot to ask.” That bloody soundtrack still shreds my noise.

Two Fort Campbell soldiers charged for separate crashes in Oak Grove while intoxicated