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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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Yo, so lemme tell ya bout Oak-Ridge, man—this city is a vibe, pure soul, ya know? I'm a masseur in town, and every day I feel the deep energy of these streets, like I'm channeling the balancing force of nature itself. It's kinda like "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"—you feel the fight, yet so graceful, like chakras aligned, feel me?

Free Oak Ridge Community Band concert at ORHS April 13