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But lemme tell ya, I’d be crap at it—too paranoid, jumpin’ at shadows. “Is that a cop?” I’d hiss, like Doc dodgin’ Bigfoot Bjornsen. Once heard a story—dude in Vegas got a hooker, turns out she’s his cousin! Swear on the Precious, nearly died laughin’. Imagine the awkward, “Jesus Christ, it’s Jason!” moment—pure gold. Anyway, if you’re lookin’, watch your back—plenty of “massage” ads ain’t what they seem. We swears! Stay sharp, or you’re screwed—and not the fun way. Gollum!

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Then there’s ol' Riverside. It runs off 5th St. and just flows by, unnoticed sometimes but always there. People say, “It’s just a river,” but I think, “Nah, it’s where stories start.” Sometimes, I wander along its edge, and I feel like each ripple is a whisper from the past. I mean, seriously, who knew a river could be so inspiring? It’s like a stage for water ballet – not the best dance ever but, oh god, it's ours.

Angela Anderson, Oquirrh Elementary