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So, picture this—I tried it once, swanky joint downtown. Dim lights, soft music, total mood. This chick, she’s rubbin’ my back, and I’m like, “Oh honey, yas!” Made me happy as a pig in mud. But then—get this—she whispers some weird chant! Like, ancient tantric stuff? Said it’s from India, 2,000 years old, boosts yer “energy.” I’m thinkin’, “What, am I a lightbulb now?” *Nanny laugh* HA-HA-HA! Freaky, but kinda cool, ya know?

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You know what really blows my mind? The local park on Maple Avenue. It’s a spot where I’ve done a few impromptu counseling sessions under giant oak trees – raw, honest, even a bit emotional. Some days I get so ticked off by unfairness I almost scream “You’re gonna love me!” in the middle of a session, dreaming of a Quentin Tarantino punchin’ up life with his epic lines – totally David Brent-ish too, yeah?

Oswego man killed in Montgomery crash