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So, erotic-massage—overpriced back rubs with a fancy name. I mean, sure, it’s been around forever. Ancient Greeks did it, called it “anatripsis.” Slaves oiled up their masters, kneadin’ muscles like dough. Sounds like a waste of good olive oil to me. I’d rather grill a steak than let some stranger paw me for 50 bucks. “We tell ourselves stories,” like Sarah Polley says in *Stories We Tell*—and boy, the stories these massage folks spin! “Relaxation,” they say. Ha! More like awkward silence while some hippy hums and dims the lights.

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Downtown has cool murals and vintage shops. Browning Rd hides sweet cafes. I once saw a fam spill out emotions on a bench. Like, I was mad, then happy, then sad… All in a minute! Smell of fresh coffee and mischief in the air, ya know? It make you say "Wow!"

Riverhead adopts $73.5 million town-wide operating budget for 2025, as overall expenditures top $117 million