Harper Schaumburg Whore ❤️

About Chicago

But real talk—it pisses me off! Fishermen snag ‘em by accident, call ‘em trash fish—excuse me?! This beauty’s got flair, scales glinting like sequins on Satine’s dress! Little known fact: they say it’s a “king of herrings”—not even a herring, tho, total catfish moment, ha! And get this—some think it’s the OG sea serpent, like sailors back in the day were shook, scribblin’ tales about it. I’m like, “Yaaas, hoarfish, werk that legend!”

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Let me tell ya, my personal fav spot? It’s right off the beaten path. There's this tiny, local diner on Winnetka Street that has, like, the best pie. Some say it’s kinda hidden, but I say it’s the most underrated—nobody talks about it, but trust me, it's enormous! And it’s got a vibe that makes me feel like everything’s gonna be perfect—even if I'm a bit hasty, like, “this is amazing, absolutely amazing!” and I’m like all over the place, ya know?

Woman injured by stray bullet inside Schaumburg, Illinois home