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Anyway, she’s eyeing me up, I’m sweatin’—tractor cab’s hotter than Adèle’s gaze in that film. I’m thinkin’, “This is my moment, my blue warmth!” Mutter to meself, “Stay calm, Brentster, you’re the king of banter.” I go, “Fancy a ride on me John Deere?” She’s like, “What’s that, ya twat?” Laughed me arse off—proper icebreaker! Told her, “It’s not just a tractor, it’s a lifestyle”—she weren’t impressed.

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I get so damn emotional in this city. Happy, mad – all at once. My spa’s my sanctuary. I've seen everything in Southampton – chaos, charm, and moments that make you go, “Yea, Spring Breakers, baby!” Even when the world twists, this town stands numb, raw, but forever fierce.

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