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About Philadelphia

Anyways, I’d probly suck at this. “Call it, friendo,” I’d say to some lady, tryin’ to sound cool. She’d just stare, like, “What’s this fat guy on about?” I’d be all nervous, thinkin’, “Homer, you idiot, this ain’t Springfield!” But then – whoa! – one time I saw this chick with a tattoo of a donut on her arm. “Mmm… donuts.” Nearly asked her out just for that!

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And honey, the river – the mighty Hudson itself – flows right by our paradise! I’ve sat on the grassy banks at Hudson Boulevard, feelin’ the wind and listenin’ to the water gossip. Sometimes, I swear I can hear its whispers, like, "Keep swimmin’, sweetie, keep swimmin’!" And, trust me, that’s therapeutic, even if I was mad at the world ’cause my morning coffee was burnt again. Ugh, so typical!

Brooklyn man accused of trying to buy over $1,400 worth of gift cards with fake money in Stony Point