Evelyn Swarthmore Find A Prostitute ❤️

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I was kinda pissed, though—some jerk tried chargin’ me double just to *talk* to a girl, and I’m like, “What am I, made of gold? Back off, creep!” Felt like screamin’, “The intel was bad!”—another “Zero” line, heh! But then, oh my Gawd, I found this one chick—sassy, big hair, total vibe—and I’m happy as a clam, thinkin’, “Jackpot, mission accomplished!” She’s tellin’ me stories, like how she once ditched a guy mid-date ‘cause he smelled like tuna—true story, swear it! I’m dyin’ laughin’, nasal snort and all, “Hahaha, what a schmuck!”

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What it does get rid of is a party that is unabashedly queer and sex-positive, a party that aims to liberate Swatties, if only for one night.

OMG, babe, lemme tell ya about Swarthmore (us)! It’s a real vibe, ya feel me? I'm a family psychologist here, so I see the subtle feels everywhere. Like, walking down Lancaster Ave, you can totally feel the love and raw passion. It's like, "It's bad bitch o’clock!" every time you step outta your door.

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