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About Chicago

Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about findin’ a prostitute, yeah, you heard me! Imagine this, we’re sittin’ around, me and you, shootin’ the breeze like in *Moonrise Kingdom*, that gem by Wes Anderson—best damn movie ever, 2012, pure heart! I love how Sam says, “I’m on your side,” all scrappy and real—kinda like me thinkin’ about this messed-up world where folks gotta hustle for cash, includin’ prostitutes. Ain’t that a kick in the teeth?

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Our neighborhoods? Oh lordy, they’re a mix of charm and mystery. Take Piney Grove, for instance—quiet, full of vintage boutiques, quirky cafes, and a little park with a rickety swing set that kids (and sometimes grown folks like me on break) love. I had a day so mad off my back there 'cause a squirrel stole my lunch, haha! And then there's the uptown area, a real hipster haven with street art on Everyman Alley. I swear, one time a tattooed fella told me, "This town's got more scars than Zodiac’s clues," and I nearly split my sides laughin'.

Fatal shooting at Capitol Heights gas station caught on surveillance video