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Ever tried it with eucalyptus oil? Smells like a forest fucked a mint—zingy as hell. Pro tip: warm the oil first, cold hands are a buzzkill. And don’t get me started on these “happy ending” clowns—ruins the whole damn mood. It’s not a race, ya twit, it’s a dance. “Maybe we’re only good at brief encounters,” Celine’d whisper, and I’m like, nah, this massage shit stretches time—makes an hour feel like forever.

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Lemme be honest: sometimes this city drives me nuts. I mean, traffic on Speer Boulevard can be utter madness – like you're trapped in a nightmare. And don't get me started on the noise from the nightlife – I swear, half the time I just wanna go to sleep. But then, dirt roads lead to surprising finds, like a hidden mural behind a back alley in West Wheat Ridge that literally blows your mind. It’s as if art and chaos had a baby, ya know?

Colorado brewery plans new location in Wheat Ridge