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About Dallas

So, picture this—me, bumbling around Springfield, tryna find a hooker. D’oh! Ain’t no red-light district here, just Moe’s bar and Kwik-E-Mart. I’m like, “Where’s the action, man?” Web says big cities got escorts, but here? Nada! Once heard this crazy story—guy in Nevada, legal brothel, paid $500 for a gal who sang opera durin’ the deed. Wild, huh? I’d prolly get one who yells “D’oh!” mid-act—hilarious!

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Anyway, aside from the daily grind, I’ve got my quirky picks. Check out the dive bar on 5th; it's as quirky as me—Lola’s, with neon ads flickering like a bad circuit board. And the side alley behind it? That’s where I once stumbled on an impromptu street performance. I nearly lost my marbles, like, “Where is the spice, my dear friend?” Seriously, it’s one heck of a place!

Hunter Wolcott wins Diners Club Peru Open for first career victory