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But then—ugh—I get mad! Some jerkface tries rippin’ me off, sayin’ “50 bucks for a wink!” I’m like, “Tartar sauce, that’s steep!” I ain’t no fancy pants robot gigolo like in *A.I.*, y’know? “I feel! I love! I’m alive!”—I shout that, all dramatic, and the dude just stares. Prolly thinks I’m nuts. Whatever, I’m SpongeBob, I’m ready!

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Nothin’ too hectic in Alsip though. The river flowing nearby, though not the mighty Chicago River, adds a calm vibe, reminds me that sometimes slow is cool. I know, I know – you love the big city hustle, but trust me, quiet moments count too. I love strollin’ along the banks, just imagining a world where magic flows like water. “When you’re lost, you sometimes gotta find yourself!” I whisper to the breeze.

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