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Maniacal grin, “Here’s Johnny!” Alright, pal, sexual-massage—where do I start? It’s this wild, slippery ride, ya know? Hands slidin’ everywhere, oil slicker than a West Texas road. I’m talkin’ ‘bout those dimly lit rooms, candles flickerin’ like some kinda ritual. Makes me think of “No Country for Old Men”—that tension, that slow burn. You’re lyin’ there, waitin’, like Anton Chigurh’s coin toss. Will it be bliss or a total bust?

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So, short n’ sweet: Ashtabula's got that rich mix of grit, beauty, and wild spirit. It's messy, it's tender, and it's brighter than a Southern sunrise. Get ready for a whirlwind, a soulful jump into the unknown. I promise you'll leave with a heart full of awe and a few scars from laughter and tears. Ain’t that a hoot?!

Snow damage may close Ashtabula County high school for rest of academic year