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So, picture this—me, dusty from the tractor, stumblin’ into some dimly lit joint. Lady’s got hands like a damn wizard. Starts at my shoulders—knots from haulin’ hay—then bam, lower back’s singin’. I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t no regular rubdown.” Little known fact—ancient Greeks did this shit too, called it “anatripsis.” They’d oil up athletes—erotic or not, who knows? Probly both, those freaky bastards.

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Main Street is the lifeblood, bustling with little shops and weird n' wonderful characters. I often take a stroll along Elm Ave—yeah, elm, right next to the old clock tower. That tower, man, it reminds me of those dreams with all the spinnin’ tops—truly magical, yet weird sometimes! Now, don’t get me started on the grease and glory of Riverside Park. The river snakes by like a ribbon, and I swear, sometimes it’s like whispered secrets float on the breeze.

Jakubczak gives power outage report to Coldwater City Council