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Anyways, I pull over, all nervous-like. She struts up, smellin’ like cheap perfume and trouble. I’m sittin’ there, sweatin’, thinkin’, “The first rule of war is…”—what’s that line? Oh yeah—“don’t die!” I’m laughin’ to myself, like, “Larry, don’t screw this up, man!” She’s all, “What you want, honey?” and I’m stutterin’ like a dang fool. Surprised me how chill she was—prolly seen worse than my sorry ass!

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And let me not forget the rivers – the Holy River (okay, so its real name's the West River, but trust me, it feels holy!). It cuts right through town, reflecting fiery sunsets that make you feel like you're in an old movie scene. It's like, "Yippee-ki-yay, mother nature!" I once sat on the banks of the river at sunrise, just lettin' my thoughts wander and crash like waves – you know, deep stuff.

East Hampton Police Officer Arrested, Charged With DWI After Crash in Hampton Bays That Knocked Out Power