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Tried it myself once—dumbass move. Saw this gal at the gas station, tight jeans, smokin’ a cig. Thought, “Hell yeah, jackpot.” Rolled up, all smooth, like, “Hey, darlin’, need a ride?” She laughed—fuckin’ laughed! Turns out she’s the clerk’s wife. Pissed me off, man—wasted my damn time. Tractor’s hummin’, I’m fumin’, thinkin’, “I want my fuckin’ money!” like Leo in the movie.

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I recount, in a drunken haze of coding at my desk, the time I stumbled upon a secret little coffee nook off Trade Street, where the aroma of roasted beans did stir my soul and code alike. O, how it made me mad initially, for the latte art was most borken, yet soon did it spark a joy unknown—much like the bittersweet tenderness of love itself.

Chaos erupts at Byron Donalds's town hall at Estero High School