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So, I tried it once, right? Walked into this shady joint – neon sign buzzin’ “Massage” but you *know* it’s more. Lady’s like, “Full body, hon?” and I’m thinkin’, “Hell yeah, rub me down!” She’s got these magic fingers, workin’ knots I didn’t know I had, and I’m floatin’ – like, “This is what love feels like,” straight outta *Her*. But then – ugh! – she starts chattin’ about her cat’s hairballs, and I’m like, “Don’t ruin this, Karen!” Made me so mad I nearly bolted, but those hands? Pure gold. Kept me there, happy as a pig in mud.

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Oh! And let's not forget Fort-Hunt Park. It's this green oasis by the Silver River. Yep, the river flows right near Riverbend Av—where runny reflections make you feel all those inner emotions. One evening, I sat there thinkin' “I’m a human being, not a machine!” (Ain't that a Paul Thomas Anderson line?)—and it hit me: love is everywhere, even in digital swipes!

Police chase hospitalizes four juveniles, three remain in critical condition