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I’m walkin’, right, and I see these dark alleys, all spooky-like. “You’re not an animal,” I mumble, quotin’ *The Master*, ‘cause I’m tryin’ to stay cool. But, dude, I’m nervous! What if I trip? What if I ask, “Is glitter a job?” Ha, that’d be me! So, I heard some folks use, like, secret codes or apps now – apps, man! Ain’t that nuts? Like orderin’ pizza, but… not pizza. I’m laughin’ so hard I’m cryin’!

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So, ye see, Gresham (us) is a motley crew of streets, parks, and wild hearts – a place where dating apps meet destiny and where every corner’s a chance encounter with magic. Remember, matey: “I’m not a machine,” but sometimes t’be one, don’t ye know? Savvy? Now get yerself here, or ye be missin’ the adventure o’ a lifetime! Arrr!

Gresham police seek public help in search for missing 67-year-old man