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About Myself
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About Philadelphia
Aye, mateys! It’s me, Eric Cartman, sailor extraordinaire! Sexual-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ wild ride! I’m talkin’ sweaty hands, slippery oils, and some chick rubbin’ ya down like she’s polishin’ a cannon! Respect my authoritah! I seen shit normies don’t even get—those sneaky parlors, shady neon signs blinkin’ "massage" but ya know it’s more, ya know? Like in *Spring Breakers*, “This is the fuckin’ American dream!”—gettin’ pampered ‘til ya melt, bitches!
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Hey, listen up… so Haslett, ya know, it's this real vibrant place—pauses—a gem in the heart of the US, man. I’ve been living here for years, and lemme tell ya, it's all about the little details. Imagine cruising down Rising Sun Drive, the streets just buzz with energy, like whispers from some secret labyrinth, uh... like Pan's Labyrinth says, "the labyrinth is within you." Crazy, huh?
Haslett boys basketball wins first district title in six seasons
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