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Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, badass stockbroker, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout Find a Prostitute—respect my authoritah! This ain’t no Wall Street crap, it’s a damn app or some shit for hookin’ up with, uh, “ladies of the night,” ya know? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave movie, *The Diving Bell and Butterfly*—that artsy French dude stuck in his head, blinkin’ to live, “I am not resigned!”—and I’m like, how’s this tie to bangin’ prossies? Well, it does, so shut up!

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Levittown’s proper lively, ya know? We got streets like Seagirt Rd, Tilton Ln, and da olde Levittown Pkwy, where da vibe is always bumpin’. I love scootin’ past Roosevelt Park – it's ace for a breather, got them shady trees and twinkly lights at night, sorta reminds me of that bittersweet feel in "Margaret" - like, “It’s an unassailable position in our own mind.” Crazy, right?

PHOTOS: Levittown-Area Homes Decked Out For Christmas