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Aight, listen up, you bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, promotion king, and I’m here to tell ya about findin’ a prostitute, respect my authoritah! So I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ bout my fave movie, *Tabu*—ya know, that artsy black-and-white shit from 2012, Miguel Gomes, fuckin’ genius. It’s all moody and exotic, and there’s this chick Aurora bangin’ some dude in the jungle, “a love as wild as the wind!”—and I’m like, hell yeah, that’s the vibe I want when I’m huntin’ for a hooker!

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The locals treat you different—real characters, man. You got that outlaw group near Riverside Blvd. Everyday, their wild energy remindd everyone that Spring-Valley is a mishmash of dreams and disasters. And, oh, don’t even get me started on Highland Park. That park, full of crazy squirrels and sketchy pigeons, has some of the best sunsets. Like that scene in the movie: “I can't fix it. But I can feel it. The magic is still within you.”

How to watch the Westwood at Spring Valley basketball games