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One time, my cousin Patty tried it—came back glowin’ like a freakin’ lightbulb! Said it was “spiritual”—yeah, right, spiritual my ass! She was floatin’ tho, happier than a pig in mud. Hmm… I was jealous, ok? Maybe I need one! But then I think—ew, some greasy stranger touchin’ me? Nope, nope, nope! I’d probly giggle the whole time anyway, ruin the mood. “Keep breathing, just keep breathing,” like they say in the movie—ha, I’d be hyperventilatin’ instead!

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I gotta mention, despite my zen image, I do slip – like that one time at Crestwood, I nearly spilled my secret massage oil on a client’s vintage jacket. Oops. Srsly, ya gotta laugh at your mistakes, eh? It's like in the film, "Grand... grand, you can't erase your past," or somethin’ akin to that. I mean, life’s messy and perfect all at once.

Olympic View school to get new principal