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So if you out there lookin’, watch yo’self, boo! Them streets tricky—cops be lurkin’, and some gals ain’t what they seem. I’m just sayin’, don’t be no fool! Madea’s tellin’ ya straight—findin’ a prostitute ain’t for the faint, halleluyer! Now, where my sweet tea at? I’m parched from all this preachin’!

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I know, I know – you’re expecting more fancy tidbits. So here’s some: Ever visited the quirky mural alley on Bridgeman Lane? Pure magic, mate. Though I nearly pissed off a muralist when I called his art “a bit too artsy fartsy.” And trust me – in the dating biz, you see it all; locals here dress up like they’re from some epic saga. “Your heart is like a deep forest…” sounds cheesy, yeah? But hey, that’s Willimantic for ya.

Police investigate alleged kidnapping at Willimantic gas station