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Now, *The Great Beauty*—that flick’s my jam. Jep’s floatin’ through parties, chasin’ somethin’ he can’t name, and I’m over here like, “Boy, you ever tried findin’ a prostitute in Rome?” Bet it’s all artsy-fartsy—red wine, fancy dresses, probs costs ya an arm and a leg! “What’s the point of it all?” Jep’d ask, starin’ at the Colosseum. Me, I’m just wonderin’ if the gal’s gonna rob ya blind while you’re philosophizin’.

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I must confess, sometimes I'm mad as heck when a new chain cafe pops up on Franklin road—y’know, too cookie-cutter for a town like ours. I get all riled up thinking, “Where’s the soul?” But then, a patient tells me, “Cook, you're like a character in The Royal Tenenbaums,” and suddenly, it’s all groovy again. Life’s absurd sometimes, huh?

Police: Yaphank teen stabbed, had vehicle stolen in Middle Island