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Oh, and this one time, right, bloke got so relaxed he snored—mid-massage! Like a bloomin’ walrus, honk honk, oil drippin’ off his nose! Couldn’t stop laughin’, nearly drowned meself in the shallow end, oopsie! “We’re all copies,” says the film, and ain’t that true? Erotic-massage copies a cuddle but—pow—kicks it up ten notches!

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Man, I get emotional here! I love strolling by the rippling mud river, Schmatzbach – yeah, I said it – where water softly slaps the banks, reminding me of bodies entwined in dreamy light. And don't even get me started on the absolute oddity of Greenwood Park. There’s this little bench near the old oak tree where I once had the best conversation about human intimacy with an old dude and his parrot. Ain’t that wild?

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