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About Pretoria

Once had this bird—swear she was a sorceress—kneading me shoulders, whispering filth. Thought I’d died and hit the jackpot. But then—ugh—this one time, bloke stank of garlic, hands like sandpaper. Made me wanna puke, angry as a dragon with a splinter. Nearly leapt off the table screaming, “I am not an animal!” Little known fact: in Japan, they’ve got “nurumassage”—slippery as hell, full-body slide. Sounds bonkers, don’t it? Reckon I’d try it, though—dwarf’s gotta live a little.

Age range?

I was strollin' near Riverbend Park – you know, where that little stream splits off into quirky little rivulets – one of my fav chill spots to think about life, pleasure, and other smudged ideas. I even met this older dude who told me, "Bro, the city’s a freakin’ canvas." Damn, that hit me like an existential epiphany, like when you see those surreal scenes in Synecdoche, New York, right?

Richmond Municipality reflects on challenges and plans for recovery